part16

I went to sleep, and I felt okay. When I woke up I still felt fine. I had contractions, but not nearly as frequent as before. Thinking back, this is so strange… I thought once you go into labor and have contractions frequently that they never stop happening until the baby comes out. Now I was having a contraction maybe every 20 minutes or so. I wasn’t planning to go into the hospital until 3:30 p.m. and my surgery was supposed to start at 5:30 p.m. This was SO hard for me. Not because I didn’t want to wait, but because I had to fast all day long. I couldn’t have any food or water. I felt like I was dying of thirst all day. Even more so I was absolutely starving. I was used to eating so much all the time… so even though it was only a day of fasting, it really felt more like a week! Then the hospital called me. They told me they needed to push my C-section back now because they had to do an emergency C-section on a lady who was carrying twins. Of course, I was understanding, but this now meant I had to fast even longer. it also prolonged my anxiety about having a C-section. My mom tried to keep me busy so I wouldn’t get too anxious about giving birth or think about the fact that I felt like my stomach was eating itself. So we went to get our nails and toes done! I wanted my nails to be blue for a boy but the nail lady convinced me to go with this blue-green color which looking back on now I cringe. After getting our nails done, we went back home to wait out the remaining few hours before I was supposed to check into the hospital. I kicked back on the couch and desperately tried to keep my mind off the fact that I was starving AND that I was going to have surgery in the next five hours.

Finally, after what seemed to be forever… it was time to go to the hospital! I felt super anxious, but by now I was so over fasting and being extremely large that I was ready to give birth. I really couldn’t believe that the time was here. After all of these months… he was the only thing that kept me going, and now I was finally going to meet him! Am I really about to have a baby right now? I couldn’t even wrap my mind around the fact that I was going to be a mom in a short couple of hours.

Then another nurse came into the room to give me my IV. This was a part I was so dreading. The lady first put a blue pad down beneath my arm, like the pee pads for dogs. I was so confused. Wasn’t she just doing an IV? If so, why is this pad here? I didn’t think I was even supposed to bleed! My anxiety started building as she started putting the needle in my arm. For some reason, it was stinging like crazy. Normally this wouldn’t bother me too much… but knowing that there was a needle and probably some blood made me feel so faint. My monitor started beeping, alerting the other nurse in the room that my blood pressure was dropping rapidly, which in turn made my baby’s heartbeat drop. The nurse rushed over and started adjusting the monitors on my tummy and getting me to lay on my side. It made them nervous that my baby’s heartbeat was falling so quickly. They kept telling me to breathe and just relax. I was trying my best, but I felt SO sick. Meanwhile, my mom was nervously by my side, using her magazine as a fan to try to help cool me off. The only thing I really wanted was water to just cool me down, but I couldn’t have it. It took five whole minutes to get that IV in, and then once the fluids started rushing through my veins, I felt a lot better. I guess the nurse administering the IV had to take blood from the IV in order to make the “cocktail” for the spinal block I had to get before my surgery. Spinal blocks are like an epidural but some say they hurt worse. When I finally felt a little better, I looked down at my hand and it was covered in dried blood. No wonder it was stinging like crazy, it was bleeding everywhere! This kind of made me nervous to get the spinal block. If my IV was this bad, then the spinal was going to be a lot worse!

As I got up to walk to surgery I felt even more water come down. It felt like I just peed my pants or something. I remember I lifted my left arm up to hold my hospital gown up, and then the nurse said I needed to lower my arm. “Why?”, I thought. I look at my arm and now my IV had filled up with blood because I lifted my arm. “GREAT”, I thought. I kept telling myself to keep cool, and luckily I was able to clear my mind and continue walking to the surgery room without any issues. This is where I had to part ways with my mom. They don’t allow anyone to be in the room with you when you get the spinal block done, just in case something happens. They don’t want the extra stress of a panicked partner in the room, and they would be in the way of the doctors. In general spinal blocks are scary, if they put that huge needle in the wrong spot, you can become paralyzed instantly. I said my goodbyes to my mom, and then walked into the operating room. It was kind of warm which surprised me because usually operating rooms are super cold so that everything is sterile. Music was playing in the background, so overall it was a pretty chill vibe which made me feel a little better. I got on the operating room table and waited to get my spinal. Luckily I had the most amazing anesthesiologist who was informed that I was extremely squeamish so she was super sympathetic to my needs. They had me sitting on the table but bending forward with a hunch-like back. In front of me was a nurse that they told me to hold on to. They let me bring my phone and earphones into surgery because they knew I was squeamish. I had an earphone in one ear playing, “Holes in the Sky” which was a super significant song to me at the time. My anesthesiologist gave me a little pinch to inform me where the needle was going in so that I didn’t jump with surprise when it went into my back. The first needle went in, and it felt like a bee sting. Then she warned me again not to move because she was now going to be putting the huge needle into my back now. It just felt like a ton of pressure. Almost like someone putting pressure on a wound you have or something. That’s the only way I can think of to explain it. I didn’t actually feel too nauseous I thought, but my body was saying otherwise. About 15 seconds after I got the spinal one of the nurses yelled out, “she needs oxygen!” I guess my blood pressure was dropping again. Then as I was laying on the operating table I started panicking. I couldn’t breathe. This was something I was always concerned about when I found out I had to get a C-section because whenever I laid flat on my back, I felt like I couldn’t breathe because the baby was so big. I felt like I was literally breathing through a straw. It reminded me of those experiments you do in middle school, the one where you breathe through a straw while exercising so you could see what it felt like to exercise as a smoker. Panic washed over me, I thought I was going to die. My anesthesiologist kept saying, “Mayci you’re okay, your oxygen level is at 100%”, but it definitely didn’t feel like it. I frantically said, “no, no, I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe!” I think this is one of the only occasions besides the day I found out Arik passed away, where I was having a full on panic attack. About a minute later, I started feeling so.much.better. Almost like I was floating in mid air. I felt so happy and mellow. I knew that my anesthesiologist must have given me something to make me calm down because I felt like a new person.

They let my mom into the operating room, and I was like, “heeeeeeeeeey mom.” She was relieved that I was okay. I told her to “look at all my pretty bracelets”, referring to my hospital bracelets that they put on your wrist. It was obvious that I was feeling really good because my mom later told me that I said, “I look like the statue in Brazil because my arms are extended out.” I stayed calm throughout all of the chaos because of the medication in my IV. I remember I could smell burning, that meant that they were cauterizing my stomach… which really meant that my stomach was now sliced open. I could hear suctioning and lots of other things that would probably freak me out, but I stayed SO calm. During the whole process, I had my earphones in with “Holes In the Sky” playing on repeat. Now, I feel like having a C-section wasn’t as bad as I thought it was. But then they started tugging and pushing. Even though I was calm from the medication, this did NOT feel good at all. They were pushing hard on the top of my stomach, kind of by my sternum which made me feel nauseous. Luckily it didn’t take too long. I heard a splash of water and a nurse kind of laugh. Then one of the other nurses said, “it’s all baby in there.” That’s when I knew my little guy was out.